what andre just said

you know, there's a part of me that feels like i'm having the time of my life . . . but there's another part of me that feels like i'm just going to the dentist.

oh god.

So, then Andre said . . .

"It's not that, really. It's just that I'm really needy, and you're the best fan I've ever had."

Booze and Hot Chocolate

[walking down the nighttime sidewalk]

me: you know, i think the last time we were walking to the store after having a few pints we were out for the same thing.

andre: oh god. [laughs.]

me: we're a wreck. but, that would make a pretty funny blog post.

andre: [still laughing.] we really were though, that's the ridiculous part.

me: i know.

andre: you just couldn't make this stuff up, could you?

me: nope.

Today: Incident 2 of 2

[excerpt from a conversation that just took place in the living room]

Andre:

i can't kiss you! [waves arms exasperatedly]

i'm worried that if i kiss you, you'll come out a different size. and it will take 4 bloody hours to edit you in blogger-dot-tosspot-dot-com, and then a man will phone up and say he wants a scan of you, and it will take another 4 days to do using your wanky fucking scanner -- for a PC -- by which time we will hate each other and be filing for a divorce. and from that point on, i shall wear a t-shirt that says: i blame blogger.tosspot.com for everything.

so, please stop asking me to kiss you!


can you make me a hot dog now?

trying to get used to using f-words

Okay, so, maybe we have random conversations that most people wouldn't be able to follow. Maybe that's precisely why we're together. [shrug.] But the other night when we were trudging home to the quiet one-bedroom apartment that we share at the moment on an unassuming street in the middle of middle-of-nowhere-usa, we found our footsteps falling into projections into the future. When we're out of here and living together somewhere we both want to be. Where our friends are. And family.

Maybe those things don't always come out of us in the way some people can understand. Left us, mostly for most of our lives alone or unhappily engaged. But I giggle sometimes into the snow-glow pavement about just how much, now, I'm glad that I have for so long gone so misunderstood. Thank plastic-jesuses for being such a complicated "psychotic" fuck.

First, I laugh into his back as we walk single file down the icy sidewalk, you're going to have to make me pregnant.


Is that right? He asks the wind and the passing cars.

And I run pushing passed him shouting: Yeeeeessssssssssss! My arms wide flung like bat's wings and childhood playgrounds.

Yes;

The truth is -- I probably wouldn't get out of bed that early to make you coffee

At first, leaving for work in the morning was kind of -- well, I hate to say this -- sweet. (That even made me vomit a little bit.) My boyfriend got up with me and made me coffees to drink whilst getting ready and to take with me in my handy travel mug to work.

And after I left, I'd feel all buzzy and happy. Not just from the coffee. But from that silly-sick feeling you get when you have to leave someone for a little bit that you really savor being around. Knowing that it's just the divide of economics and a few working hours until you're back home.

Then we'd spend the day periodically smattering conversations over chat-mails. As you do.

But now, leaving for work in the morning is just kind of -- well -- maddening. I don't want to go. Then, as soon as I get to work, I want to go back home. Maybe we're borderline obsession. But I don't mind. (As long as he doesn't try to kill me or something.)

Off to archive and feel sorry for myself.

What Would You Ask For?

BestFriend: I think Andre should make a doodle of Gus's* poop being prophetic
Me: OMG
that's genius and also totally disgusting
BestFriend: not sure if he's into scat humor
Me: for sure i like the phrase "scat humor"
BestFriend: scat prophecies?
Me: snort
fantastic

* Gus, theDog.

So, I wonder, if you could ask Andre to make you a doodle . . . what would it be?

snippets and things overheard: just now

from the kitchen he says:

but i just want to be awake
so that i can get full pleasure out of it

really. i couldn't make this stuff up.